Why didn’t I write that down or
even more frustrating…
I know I wrote that down, but where did I put it?
For those who have been following me, you know that in August of 2024 I lost my husband very suddenly to a heart attack. I went to work one morning, happily married and came home that afternoon with a new title of widow. But, that’s not what I want to talk about today. Today I want to visit a topic that I wish I had asked during our 46 years together, what I should have paid more attention to and ultimately what I should have documented together with him so that I wouldn’t be left guessing the answers to many of these questions now.
Let me just start by saying that you probably haven’t thought about these things if you both seem to be healthy. You imagine that there’s plenty of time and besides, who asks these types of questions when no one is sick. I honestly think that the best time to have this discussion is when you’re both happy, healthy individuals. It’s a lot less stressful, threatening and maybe you could even enjoy finding out a little more about how things are run. Of course, if you’ve been given news of an illness, you need to prepare yourself for what lies ahead.
Ultimately, no one ever thinks it’ll happen to them but here I am two years later … Having been caught off guard wasn’t pleasant so instead of guessing, let's talk about what you need to know. Some are obvious and perhaps others might not cross your mind to ask about.
Here’s the practical list:
Passwords and access codes - what are they and where are they kept
Email passwords and security answers for recovery questions
Bank accounts and insurance policy information
Social media login access / passwords
Professionals that you work with:
Accountant
Tax attorney
Insurance representative (home / car / health)
Doctor contact information
Clergy person’s contact information
Laptop and work computer access codes
WiFi router information
Where can I find a list of all recurring monthly debt payments on auto pay
Legal Documents:
Where are the Will and/or Trust documents kept - have they been updated
Who is the attorney who prepared the estate planning documents
What life insurance policies do we have and what are the policy numbers
Are there any additional life insurance policies
Do we have long-term care benefits being paid for
Where are the birth certificates
Where is the social security card
Where is our original marriage certificate
Where is your military discharge papers (needed for military benefits)
Where is your medical card
Important questions to consider:
Are both of our names on all accounts
Who is the primary on these accounts, including credit cards
If the primary dies, you most likely will lose all points and credits
Who are the beneficiaries on the accounts
Are there any retirement accounts (401k, 403b, Roth IRA) etc.
Are there any survivor benefits from a pension
Do we have a safe deposit box - where is the key
If there is a safe at home, what is the combination
Do you have any hidden cash in case of emergency
What active brokerage or investment accounts do you have
Do you own any cryptocurrency or other exchange that requires keys
Do you have any stock certificates or bonds in paper form
Do you have any money apps - PayPal, Venmo, CashApp with money
Household Operations:
Where is the main shut off value for the home
Who do I call for plumbing, electrician, general handyman work
How often do we have things serviced?
Who cuts our trees, maintains our gutters and other household needs
How do you operate the pool equipment, sprinkler system and spa
Vehicles and Real Estate
Where are the pink slips to the cars
Where is the deed to our home
Which mechanic do you use for maintenance
Where do you keep all of the maintenance records for the cars
Where is the information about any timeshares or other property we own
Are we both on title to those timeshares
Are any vehicles solely in your name
Are there any heloc or second mortgages attached to the house
Subscriptions, Memberships, etc.
What digital subscriptions are paid on auto-pay.
Do they need to continue being paid from a specific bank account
Do we have frequent flyer miles and if so, how does that work
Do you have any memberships that would need to be cancelled
Do you have any annual software subscriptions that are on auto pay that would auto-renew if not contacted
Are there warranties or protection plans that I should renew
Medical and Spiritual Wishes
What are your specific wishes regarding donations
Who are the most important people for me to notify in an emergency
Do we have any pre-paid funeral plans
Are there any specifics that you’d want me to be aware of
Are there any of your personal items that you’d want to go to someone special
Where do you keep your medical history, prescription information, etc.
And finally, if you do lose a loved one, once the dust settles and you’re ready to start providing notification of the death, who do you need to contact?
Here’s the list:
Life Insurance Company
Social Security Administration
Medicare
IRS
DMV
Banks / Investment Brokerage
Credit Card Companies
Lenders
Cell Phone / Internet Service Providers
Property Management or HOA
Storage Facilities
Utility Companies
Tax Preparer
Employer / HR Department, if still employed
Doctor / Dentist / Other Health Providers
This may appear to be an exhaustive list but trust me, if you knew the answers to all of these questions and something were to happen, you’d be glad you’d asked ahead of time. Now, where do you put all of this information? I suggest writing it all down in a journal that you can put in a safe deposit box or somewhere for safe keeping. It’s the key to not losing your mind when and if the unthinkable happens. Why not ask these questions so that you both have the assurance that some day it will make your life easier? If you’re lucky, maybe you’ll never need to look at it again!
Future blog posts will include:
We all grieve differently
Writing the story of your new life
The little things are now the big things
Changes you'll make that others don't understand
When goodbye really is goodbye
No regrets, only gratitude
Losing track of time and everything else
Managing added responsibilities
Things people say or don't say
What you should and shouldn't do... a widow's timeline
My biggest fears and I've overcome them
Goodbye for now.
I hope to see you again.
~ Carol
